"I Feel Neglected"
Not Funny of the Week
Momma's Dress and Flowers
Outfit of the Day
Lindershit
Made Up Word of the Week
Lindershit: The act of being "offline" on Facebook when you are really online.
Lindershitting is important because it is a way to make people think you have a life and are not always on Facebook, when you really do not have a life and are always on Facebook.
Lindershitting also enables a person to be on Facebook without having to talk to anyone or be social.
Bloggers Look to the Sky
Outfit of the Day
photo credz: livar farbar
Why is Gabi All Alone?
Loser of the Week
Persmeize: That face you make when putting on mascara. Since you are usually looking into a mirror you would think that you wouldn't make such a stupid face. But you do.
Caution: it is very hard to see clearly while persmeizing, so don't drive and persmeize.
Note: pronounced like smize, spelled like seizure
Featured: Tweiss Swag
Persmeize
Made Up Word of the Week
MaMade
Concussion Confusion
Online Conversation of the Week
Legiterally: you may be thinking that this word is a combination of the words legit and literally, but it's not . you're wrong. legiterally is defined as your sock falling down into your shoe.
Legiterally dilemma? here are some solutions...
1. leave your sock in your shoe and suffer the whole day
2. awkwardly fix your sock while you're walking through the hallway
3. get your ass over to http://www.sockdreams.com/_pages/index.php and buy yourself some longer socks
Sentence: this is a legiterally.
Legiterally
Another Made Up Word of the Week
MaMade
Daisy Means Innocence
Book Club of the Week
MaMade
Tomorrow a tree will fall in front of every door of your house, your power will be out, and somehow all of your food will go missing before it even has time to spoil. You will be trapped for one week.
Here is a guide to what is needed to get out alive:
- pop chips (bbq)
- lots of containers
- reverse flashlight (light goes into the flashlight instead of coming out)
You Will Lose Power. And Die.
Natural Disaster of the Week
MaMade
Guide to UMD Short Answers
College Problems of the Week
1. learn how to knit. if you need help you can call gabi at 1-800-lozerz
2. bubble-wrap the floor of your room. its more fun than having a carpet
3. bake some cookies. unless you dont have power. then go to the store and buy some cookies. unless a tree fell on your car. then sit on your couch and cry because you cant have any cookies - on the bright side, you wont get fat
4. write college apps? kidding they've all extended their deadines which just gives you more of an incentive to procrastinate
5. go have a blast in the storm. yolo
What to Do Now That You Have 2 Days off of School
Natural Disaster of the Week
(part 2)
Guest Blogger: Madison Rock n' Rolling
Here is a guide to what snack mixes to eat depending on your mood. If you follow this we guarentee you will be a skinny fatty sooner than you can run a mile.
When your’e feeling frisky: ginger snap cookies and salty peanuts. Make sure you break up the ginger snaps so you can shove lots of this mix in your mouth at once.
When you’re feeling boring yet edgy (and need a lil pb crunch with dat smooth vanilly): peanut butter puffins with nilla wafers.
When you’re feeling like a freak aka Gabi: multi grain cheerios, coconut, almonds, and chocolate chips (obviously a 50:1 ratio of choco chips to everything else)
Snack Mixes for the Soul
Health Tips of the Week
Guest Blogger: Livar Farbar
Here is a guide on how to spend the most amount of money possible!
-Only shop at stores that sell clothes 1000$ and up, if it’s under 100$, don't even consider it
-Don't let whoreican sandy get in your way, if you can't get out, shop online, and make sure you get the most expensive shipping
-Only wear clothes once, if you really liked a shirt, just buy it twice cuz... You really can't wear something more than once
-If your mom won't let you get your nose pierced, buy a pair of $350 boots and say that you will return them if you can get your nose pierced. She’ll obviously say no, so you get to keep the boots!
-Oh and if you run out of money- use your parents
Happy $hopping!
$pendin D@t D0h
Shopping Tips of the Week
Blogger Tee Dresses up for Movie Premier
Loser of the Week
Today, yes the day that is occurring right now, is Bob Ross' 70th birthday (he must be getting close to Nirvana- lets give him a round of applause).
For those of you/us that don’t know who Bobby is, take a look at the Google homepage and all will make sense. Bobby is a blind painter who used to be black (became white but decided to keep rocking the afro) and can communicate with rodents through his blindness. Even though he is completely blind, he can paint really well- it makes sense if you don’t think about it (like how deaf people are good musicians?).
Master of Landscape Art
Google Homepage of the Week
Master of Landscape Art
Google Homepage of the Week
Master of Landscape Art
Google Homepage of the Week
Master of Landscape Art
Google Homepage of the Week
Master of Landscape Art
Google Homepage of the Week
Mariah Frankenstein
Outfit of the Day
Make a Friend a Gift Bag:
- key elements: a fun card, a slightly inappropriate picture, best candy, creepy crawlers, brown paper bag (kickin it oldschool)
Pumpkins:
- carve them
- color on them
- eat them
- toast them
- throw them (modern family 2011?)
Trick or Treat:
- go with short friends to get away with being old (siblings always work)
- go to the same house multiple times
- ring someone’s doorbell and then give them candy (not to be nice, just to confuse them)
- take two handfuls at each and every house
- townhouses are key: least distance, more houses = most candy
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Paretzky and Friends
Actual Outfit of the Day
Hallows Eve Activities
Halloween Tips of the Hour
The Handelmans asked their trick or treaters: Obama or Romney?
Clearly all the kids want to vote for Obama
Halloween Election
Halloween Tips of the Hour
Two dollar burritos at...Qdoba???
Something's Not Right...
Halloween Tips of the Hour
Vote for your favorite costume! Results will be posted soon. Here is the link to the google survey:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dDNKX0JUVk5rVWFBZ0pQNV9sZWNPRUE6MQ#gid=0
Option A:
Elements- fire, water, air and earth?
Option B:
Mexican- in the most racist way possible
Option C:
Amy Winehouse- alive and still partying hard
Option D:
(Hurricane)Sandy and Danny- from Greece, yes Greece
Option E:
Country Girl- "Pretty in pink, wicked in camo"
Option F:
Peeta and Katniss- aka pita and hummus
Costume Contest
Halloween Activity of the Year
Guest Blogger: Jake Mints
Dare Dairy,
I had a really dad bay today. I’m not understanding thanying cin class. Scoohl swa relay ahdr tydoa. I hope your gay was dood. I love you. You sake mense to me.
Trours youly,
The Dyslexic Boggler
The Dyslexic Who Doesn't Know What Dyslexia Is
Diary Entry of the Week
Costume Contest
Halloween Activity of the Year
Costume Contest
Halloween Activity of the Year
Bloggers Love Shakespeare
Test Outfit of the Week
Busboys and Poets GNO
Loners of the Week
And the winner is............SYMON GINSBURG!
Symon's costume was so fantabulosity that you can't even tell it's him. This is the costume of the century if there ever was one. 54 viewers voted for this costume that wasn't even on the ballot. That's saying something.
*Unimportant note: bloggers G-whiz, Lilliana,
and Tee each voted 18 times.
**Unimportant note #2 for english and history people who aren't going to get the joke without a little help: 3 (bloggers) X 18 (votes) = 54 (total votes)
Costume Contest Reveal
Costume of the Century
You can make your own cereal by combining dry cereal and milk!
Ingredients: cereal, milk
Materials: bowl (optional), spoon (optional), hand (optional, not actually though)
If you combine milk and cereal you will still have cereal but it will be wet
Cereal's Cereal's Cereal's
DIY Project of the Week
Gchats For All (Josh Bloch is our God)
Online conversation of the Week
Return of the Dresses
Outfit of the Day
sfd
Do I Look Elongated?
ANTM of the Week
sfd
Mango is a Fat Guilty Cat
Disgusting Animal of the Week
sfd
Costume Contest (Kind of Funny Commentary)
Reader Contributions of the Week
Blogger G-whiz: The one and only Blogger Lilliana got herself a shoe box full of recreational marijuana. Blogger Lilliana loved her recreational marijuana so much that she needed it all the time, every time, and every place. Lilliana was still going to the school at this point so she decided to make an arrangement with the renowned security guard at the school so that she could bring her recreational marijuana into the school house.
*Unimportant note: Blogger Lilliana would like to clarify that this is a DREAM log and the events above did not happen...yet.
Indian Hoppee Day
G-whiz Clothes Steal of the Week
The Secret Life of the American Fish
Memories of the Past of the Week
Lilliana's New Hobby
Dream Log of the Week
Nins and Peedles- finishing deodorant, chapstick, eye liner, etc. Happens approximately thrice in a lifetime. It doesn’t count if the deodorant breaks and falls off. Savor these moments and tell your friends because this is soo rare.
When nins and peedles happens eat a bar of chocolate to increase your chances of it happening again- this is because if you eat chocolate → you gain weight → you sweat more → you use more deodorant → nins and peedles happens!!!
Sentence: Stop trying to make nins and peedles happen, it’s not going to happen- unless you do not try to make it happen, then it will happen thrice in a lifetime.
Nins and Peedles
Made up Word of the Week
Following hurricane Sandy, many people think that we need to send all of our money and food to the PEOPLE who lost their homes. The animals need help too. A lot of people's pets actually need the food. I mean, people can go five days without eating but my cat can only go ten minutes. Imagine if it were Mango, you would help the cat first. #my cat is homeless
Cats Come First
Natural Disaster of the Week
Sbecks is a Shman
Online Conversation of the Week
The Things They Carried
Book Club of the Week
Attached Shirts Forever and Always
Outfit of the Day
Guest Blogger: Jake Mints
-You need to understand that you really don’t have a say over your own clothing choices.
-You need to be able to accept the fact that if she wants to dress like a slut she’s going to wear those neon teal pants/shorts/lets call them what they really are, underwear.
-There’s this face she makes which is kind of like Shalom in that it literally means everything in her language. Bye? Yes. Hi? Yes. Peace? Yes. Shut the fuck up? Yes.
-Your going to want to have a surplus of scarves that you look good in. (hickey protection)
-If you think that you’re going to be more important than camp think again.
What It's Like to Date Blogger Tee
Blogger Insight of the Week
Guest Blogger: Madison Rock n' Rolling
Enjoy Madison's "notes" on a very silly film she had the privilege of watching in Shakespeare class today.
Are U Really A Man?
Cross-dressing Movie of the Week
Classic Senior Picture Moment
Gazebo of the Week
Instabraids and Christmas Sweaters
Outfit of the Day
Guest Blogger: Livar Farbar
Ok as we all know, yoga pants are a must have. Today I bought my 9th pair of what, you guessed it, lululemon yoga pants. This marks for a celebration and to do so I am going to buy myself a tenth pair- the cycle will go on. You can get yoga pants in the $20-$50 range at stores like target and forever 21 so never step foot in those stores again.
You have to AT LEAST spend $80 on multiple pairs of the same kind.
You pretty much can only get pants at lululemon... or you're a ratchet poor ass hoe
Don’t be a loser
Don’t be poor
Buy at least 5 of the same pair
Seriously... you can’t wear them more than once
Ratchet.
$pendin d@t d03: y0g@ p@nt$ $tyl3
Shopping Tips of the Week
Dear Math Teacher of the Moment,
As you may have already seen, my homework is written in pen. While I realize this is an utter disgrace I have good reason for this mathematical faux pas. I will thoroughly explain the reasons for this disaster by explaning my afternoon to you. After a brief workout at the jcc I drove my dear friend Madison Roll to Panera to enjoy some food. I knew I had to get my math hw done right away (priorities) so I decided to take the worksheet in with me but of course I needed a pencil as well. I started digging frantically all through out my car as Madison was impatiently whining about her hunger (lame) by my side. Alas I had only found a pen when Madison dragged me inside against my will to eat. I hope you can forgive me and blame this catastrophe on an outside source (madison).
Thank you for understanding,
Shira Winston (your fave student) with assistance from Madison roll (your second fave student)
Mathematical Faux Pas
Teacher Feature Letter of the Week
Photo courtesy of Livar Farbar
No Friends for Becker Twin #2
Loner of the Week
Guest Blogger: Hans Huberman
Five Easy Steps to Hipsterism
Advice Column of the Week
Secret Society
Online Conversation of the Week
2000: Britney Spears starts the belly shirt fad in her innocent, yet scandalous video Oops I Did it Again
2001: Girls of ages 5-73 sport the half shirt, not real clothing look, exposing their midriffs to the world
2005: Overnight, belly shirts are erased from the surface of the earth as they are not in style anymore
2010: Somehow, belly shirts are unburned by every girl in the world and are renamed CROP TOPS by an unknown source (it was Britney Spears)
2012: Bloggers decide to reinstate the name belly shirt. Everyone must use this term now.
From Belly Shirts to Crop Tops to Belly Shirts to Crop Tops to Belly Shirts to Crop Tops to Crop Tops to Belly Shirts
Fashion Timeline of the Week
Gabi Learns How to Pump Gas
DIY of the Week
1. On Cooking Mama today on the Wii I made a vegetable stir fry, vegetables are soooo healthy.
2. I just ran down the stairs really fast, and there are a lot of steps in my house, there are 18, so I’m gonna have a glass of chocolate milk. Because chocolate milk is good to drink after a workout.
3. I’m going to start eating dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate. Also I’ll start eating white chocolate instead too because it’s not real chocolate so it’s not really bad for you.
4. I played DDR today for five minutes, although it was on beginner it was still a really hard song, the song was Kids in America for those of you who would like to get healthy.
5. Force yourself to like fruit by covering it in chocolate...as long as it’s dark or white ;)
5 Vital Steps to Get Healthy and Athletic
Advice Column of the Week
Guest Blogger: Madison Rock n' Rolling
Freedamn: Going out in public without putting a bra on. This phenomenon becomes especially common senior year, because you become so lazy that strapping a bra on feels excruciatingly hard. Also, everyone stopped eating a couple weeks ago to get ready for prom and Israel, so no one has boobs anymore anyway. While some of us have been going sans-bra in public for years, some of us have not. So here are some ground rules for all you newbies
1. You have to wear a sweatshirt
2. It preferably has writing across the chest area
3. You are going somewhere like the grocery store
4. It is the morning (aka before 5 pm)
5. You are going out alone, or with your mom, or with your BFF
6. Don’t jump, its for your own good
7. Don’t mention youre not wearing a bra to strangers
8. If youre bigger than a 38 G cup, please just wear a bra
Freedamn
Made up Word of the Week
Guest Blogger: Yaly Levy
Be fat and ugly or… pretty and skinny?
Be homeless and stupid or… rich and genius?
Be married and love your partner or… be single and hate your nonexistent partner?
Get your wisdom teeth pulled or… have your heart chopped out (literal vs. figurative heart: you decide)?
Would You Rather
Thought Provoking Questions of the Week
Thrift Shop Tops
Outfit of the Day
1. Fast Car- Tracy Chapman
2. Jesus Take The Wheel- Carrie Underwood
3. Drive My Car- The Beatles
4. Drive By- Train
5. Car Crash- Matt Nathanson
Driving Playlist for the New Driver
Playlist of the Week
Guest Blogger: Natalia Rerob
My name is Nararie Rerob, and i’m obsessed with the world wide web. I’m on it all day erryday, as soon as I wake up (at 6:00 a.m. on weekdays and 10:30 a.m. on weekends) to the moment I go to sleep (11:00 p.m. on weeknights to 2:00 a.m. on weekmornings), and its fine. Now that I’ve admitted my problem I’m ready to share my knowledge with you. Here is a list of the things the www hates for no apparent reason. I’m don’t know why she (the www is female) hates these things, but I know that she does, so whatever.
1. Nickelback
2. Crocs
3.Mitt Romney. Actually I take that back, just Republicans in general
4. Canadia(ns)
5. Gingers
6. The outside world
7. Anything that involves moving
8. EVERYTHING
Things the Internet Hates
Haters of the Week
Guest Blogger: Tweiss Swagg
Guest
Most useful thing I have found on the Internet in a long time. Who doesn’t want to knit their own cat? Honestly. Whats the point of wasting money on a cat (especially a bad one like Mango) when you could just make your own?
PROS:
- Always dependable
- Wont run away to a better owner
- Absorbent
- Only slightly frightening
- Finishing your first knitted cat leads to nins and peedles
Cat CONS:
- Cats are the worst
- Only Gabi would buy this
Knit Your Own Cat
More Things the Internet Hates of the Week
1. Biddy- A woman, usually an elderly one, regarded as annoying or interfering
sentence: you my biddy
2. Rancid- (of foods containing fat or oil) Smelling or tasting unpleasant as a result of being old and stale.
sentence: that shit is rancid
3. Ratchet- A device consisting of a bar or wheel with a set of angled teeth in which a pawl, cog, or tooth engages, allowing motion in one direction
sentence: you are a ratchet hoe
4. Legiterally- your sock falling down into your shoe
sentence: this is a legiterally
Words That Don't Mean What You Think
Revelation of the Week
About Page Description Critique
Online Conversation of the Week
Guset Blogger: Livar Farbar
Definition: a scarf you wear in the day. NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH warm scarves that you wear during the day in the winter, and also not to be confused with 'summer scarves' cuz that shit aint real.
Just because you're wearing a scarf during the day doesn't mean its a day scarf... it has to be colorful, light, and meant for fashion purposes only, not for warmth.
Difference between 'summer scarves' and day scarves: day scarves are summer scarves, summer scarves aren't real
Real life example 1: "omg livar i LOVE your summer scarf, where did you get it?"
"shut the fuck up elana, its a day scarf"
example 2: "omg i love your day scarf, it looks so warm because it's snowing out!" "shut the fuck up, this isn't a day scarf its a winter scarf... idiot"
get yourself a day scarf: http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=26407494&parentid=WOMENS_ACCESSORIES
Day Scarves for the Teenage Soul
Fashion Trend of the Week
Thanksgiving: Old, Improved, and Kosher
Singalong of the Week
Boys Are Friends Not Food
Online Convo of the Week
Flump
Made Up Word of the Week
Pretty Fly for a Rabbi
Outfit of the Day
Dat Journalism I Lyfe #9thgrade
Blast from the Past of the Week
Most irritating thing in lyfe: when people confuse homonyms. My irritation multiplies bye 20 when this happens online because the person can sea what their righting as opposed to when they are just speaking and can’t necessarily see what their saying in they’re head. This most commonly happens with the mix up between bear (rawr) and Bare (naked hoe) but another word I would like to tell you bout is BY and all other forms/words that sounds the same.
bye = sarcasm and when retelling a story/following embarrassment
baiii = in response to another person saying “bye”
by = when you are leaving
Real Life Example:
Lilliana: and she was like “bye bear slut”
Tee: you mean bare
Lilliana: bye (i’m embarrassed)
Tee: baiii
Lilliana: gotta run, literally. by!
Tee: get outa my face bitch and get back here
Shout out to our girl EmShoy for using the correct spelling of Bye in the real world (2013 girls' prom group) !!
Blogger Lilliana: Once Livi, Beckers and I went to the pet store because we wanted to buy a bunny. The lady said we were too young to buy a bunny so we bought a fish instead and named it Bunny. Then no one wanted to keep the fish so Livi ended up killing it by never feeding it/cleaning the bowl.
Blogger G-whiz: One time i had two goldfish, my brother named one Howard and one Gene. We could tell which was which cause one was darker than the other. One day the power went out and one of the fish died (it was killed by the darkness). My mom flushed it right away when no one was home. Without a second fish for comparison we couldn't tell which fish was still alive. We started calling the fish Gehow (jee how), a combination of Howard and Gene. it lived for three more years until my mom killed it.
Blogger Tee: When i was in 5th my mom got seven goldfish. They all died overnight because the tank wasn't clean. Back in 5th there wasn't enough technology for us to realize why the fish died, so we tried again the next day. This time we got eight fish and yet again they all died overnight. We had them for dinner.
Homonyms Take on Facebook
Online Speech of the Week
Man On The Moon, Amurikan Memories
Spanish Class of the Week
*Note: G-whiz finally mastered the perfect beyond perfect seductive face. Round of applause for the big accomplishment.
Group Assessments for the Triple Win
Mathematicians of the Week
We asked the bloggers (ourselves), “what will you be reincarnated into?” Here are their answers STRAIGHT from their holy lips with slight editing and inaccuracy courtesy of the bloggers.
Blogger G-whiz: I will be reincarnated into a lioness. I am a cat because I have a cat and I am a woman because I have a boobs, but i am also better than a cat and better than a woman and therefore am the two combined...a jaguar lionescent.
Blogger Lilliana: I will be reincarnated into Wheezie, the purple twin dragon from dragon tales. because who doesn't want to be a dragon and be a twin. and who doesn't want to be purple. and on a TV show. and imaginary.
Blogger Tee: i will be reincarnated into mango. I want to be loved by Gabi and live with her. i am also a mean kitty kat, just like mango. Purrrrr. see. I’m a cat. I will get into fights with jaguar lionescent and win. meow.
Reincarnation
Blogger Insights of the Week
When Yaly Takes Videos of Herself
The Lion's Den of the Week
Join us as we live our last months of high school to the absolute fullest.
SYFI to the Maximum
Bucket List of the Week
Today I donated a pint of juicy bloooood. I gave one container of Ben and Jerry's phish food and saved 200 lives (in human lives this comes out to be approximately one)
Picstich Moment: Blood Drive
Animal Charity of the Week
Words that are good words because they have "ph" in them
- pharming: as in pharming parties and drug abuse
- phat: as in obese
Replacement words and their new meanings/spellings
- phuck: a puck used for hockey but with an h so better than a puck
- phuture: the new title of the show "phil of the future", why say all that when you can just say Phuture
- phorpheit: to live a little. double the ph double the phun.
- philedalphia: the new and improved capital of MD, why say Annapolis when you can say philedalphia
Acid or Base it's Still PH Ain't It?
Made Up Words of the Week
Drgus in the School House
Online Conversation of the Week
This brilliant craft project is courtesy of Miriam, Moses' sister (in the spirit of Chanukkah!). Make a handy dandy multifunctional CD case out of what? you guessed it, paper towelzzz!
Warning: Despite its multi-functionality, if you try to use this as a paper towel while it is functioning as a CD case the juicy liquids that you are wiping up will most likely ruin the CD. Feel free to take the CD out of the case, put it in a plastic case, and then wipe up the juicy liquids. Drain the juicy liquids before returning CD to DIY case.
Paper Towel CD Case Phenomenon
DIY of the Week
Where Did All Your Fur Go?
Online Conversation of the Week
Cast Photo + One
Photobomb of the Universe
Jewish Calendars Are What
Online Conversation of the Week
If you go to the school CESJDS compliments then you must use these slang terms issued by the mysterious new head of the school house rock. This is his first thing as the head of the school house rock so do it or be exiled.
- L4L = live for lunch
- Alchemy = alcove
- Alc = alcove
- Alchemist = alcove
- 8412 = 8 hours for 12 minutes of kehillah!!!
- RCS = rosh chodesh schedule
- KabShab = Kabbalat Shabbat
- Mashemashisha = math
- Kabeba shabeba = kabbalat shabbat
- Pod = alcove
- sam = social action minyan
- Faith = feith beit midrash
- Learn = lerner theater
- The nurse = alcove
- Alcove = room 122
CESJDS Slings
School House Rock of the Week
We know our readers and we know our readers Facebook friends and we know that our readers and our readers Facebook friends are and are not limited to CESJDS compliments.
So here's a story about CESJDS compliments and why it is the best thing that ever happened to the school house rock. ville.
1. cesjds compliments is almost the same thing as cesjds insults.
2. sarcastically compliment someone and they won't know it is sarcastic. This is the first time it is a good thing that sarcasm cannot be interpreted over the internet.
3. purposely don't compliment someone even though they do not know that you are not doing it to offend them but they won't even be offended. can it get better? i don't think so and i know i am right.
CESJDS Compliments
Anonymous F.B. Friend of the Week
Guest Blogger Goes Craycray
#1 Fan of the Week
Last One In The School House Rock
Loner Pic of the Week
Gatsby Trailer Take 20...Million
Book Club of the Week
So...still unclear whether voting is good or not. Things to consider: life vs death, happiness vs sadness, right vs wrong, freedom vs death, and death.
PS: this is in honor of Blogger Tee's birthday today because she won the nobel peace prize for this flyer in 1962, the same year that Cats, the musical, premiered on Broadway.
Blogger Tee Turns Older
Birthday Wishes and Curses of the Week
GETmesomefriends
Gabi Elana Tamar